I'm that mom.  You know...the mom you say you'll never become.  You find yourself behind a woman and her kid at the grocery checkout.  The kid is obnoxious.  He throws the entire box of Trident.  Mom reaches down to pick up the gum packets blanketing the tile just in time to meet a direct smack in the face.  You silently curse yourself because dude who chose the longest lane is checking out..  Now the little monster is trying to crawl out of the cart.  Plummet go the eggs and then he drops the "F-bomb."  You think that this mom needs some serious lessons on disciplinary techniques and say to yourself, "when I have kids, they will never behave like that."  When I was in my 20's, before I had Fischer, I had those thoughts. 

Even my friends who parent a "normal" toddler struggle at the grocery store.  I don't feel so bad when I hear about their toddlers' meltdowns or mishaps while shopping.   After we leave the store, Fischer becomes deregulated, seeks strong physical contact (like head-butting), and purposefully engages in inappropriate behavior.  SO not worth it.

Toddlers are constantly soaking in their surroundings; they are sensory seekers by nature.  Think about all the temptations the grocery store elicits;  the different colors, objects, textures, and sweet stuff.  Grocery shopping is time consuming and it's too much to expect a toddler to be patient.  Hell, I have a hard time being patient.

If I have no choice but to take Fischer, I engage him in some sensory play just before I leave.  (I prefer to self-medicate, but I need to be coherent when selecting fruit snacks.).  I digress; we play outside in the snow or sandbox to help curb the need to grab.   Since he's a big oral motor kid, I give him a sucker or make sure I bring along his chewelry to comfort him.  Saving Fischer the anxiety far outweighs getting whatever it is that I need.  So we're out of toilet paper, no big deal.  He hates the vaulted ceilings, the lighting, and the crowds at the grocery store.  I'm sure there are other sensory triggers that I have yet to pinpoint.  I can't stand half the people at the grocery store, so I prefer not to subject Fish.

Dear Nutella,

I've been putting off this conversation for quite some time because I do not want to cause a rift between us.  Let me start out by saying that Fischer just adores you.  You two get along so well; I am very appreciative of not only the comfort you are able to provide, but also your amazing ability to subside the sweet tooth with just one tablespoon.  And between you and me, I much prefer you over his friend Red 40. 

Fischer accepts your creamy chocolatey texture without reservation by the receptors on the tongue.  However, I do not appreciate the mess you leave behind.  Do you think my house cleans itself?  And excuse me for being so blunt, but were you born in a barn?  You need to take a lesson in appropriate manners and start cleaning up after yourself. 

Although my cream colored couch has had beef with red wine and spaghetti, it doesn't make it okay.  If I wanted a mocha colored couch, I would have bought a mocha colored couch.  And even if I was interested in redecorating, my couch does not require a fresh coat of paint each time you grace us with your presence.

Hopefully, now that we've gotten a few things straightened out, you and Fischer can continue your sacred friendship.  We can only handle you in small doses, which really is for the best because you wouldn't want to wear out your welcome.